In a medium bowl, whisk the softened cream cheese and sugar together until completely smooth and no lumps remain.

Slowly whisk in the whole milk, then the heavy cream, until fully combined.

Whisk in the peppermint extract, vanilla extract, and salt until the sugar is completely dissolved. Add green food coloring one drop at a time until you reach a bright green.

Pour the base into a Ninja Creami pint container, staying below the MAX fill line. Secure the lid and freeze flat for at least 24 hours.

Remove the pint from the freezer and let it rest 5–10 minutes. Install it in the Ninja Creami and select the Ice Cream function.

If the ice cream is crumbly, add 1–2 tablespoons of milk and run the Re-Spin function.

Melt the dark chocolate with the coconut oil in 20-second microwave bursts, stirring between each, until smooth. Let cool until barely warm.

Create a well in the center of the ice cream, drizzle the chocolate in a thin stream, and run the Mix-In function to break it into shards.

Serve immediately for soft-serve texture, or freeze 10–15 minutes for a firmer scoop.